They Say What They Say

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks while I watch In Excelsis Deo, because what else does one do when one watched one of the best episodes of The West Wing ever?

I am still feeling profoundly sad about Heath Ledger. I don't know why. Aside from Brokeback Mountain, in which I thought he was tremendous, I was never a big fan of his and on the whole I didn't really take much notice of him. But he's been on my mind all week long and I just wish I could somehow turn back time and give everyone a do-over. I feel so sorry for his family who loved him so much, and for his daughter who will never really know him outside of his film and television work, family photographs and their own memories. I don't believe we had seen his best work as an actor, and despite the personal demons he was reportedly wrestling with, I do believe this was little more than a tragic accident.

But this whole thing has also been making me think about my own life; about opportunities missed and risks not taken. From everything that I've read about him in the last few days, it was obvious that Heath never ceased to go after what he wanted out of life and I truly admire that in a person. I have always erred on the side of caution out of fear of being hurt or being told that I'm not good enough. Now I wish I had been more adventurous in my teens and twenties and pursued the things I really wanted to do rather than allowing other peoples' opinions and my own timidity to influence my decisions. I don't hate my life, but I'm not entirely satisfied with it either because I know I could have done so much more and I didn't because I was stupidly scared of the unknown. I can still change things around, I know it's not too late, but I can't help but wonder where I would be today if I'd let myself take the risks and had been brave enough to face the possibility of rejection. Because who knows? They might have also said yes, we want you!

I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks while I watch In Excelsis Deo, because what else does one do when one watched one of the best episodes of The West Wing ever?

I am still feeling profoundly sad about Heath Ledger. I don't know why. Aside from Brokeback Mountain, in which I thought he was tremendous, I was never a big fan of his and on the whole I didn't really take much notice of him. But he's been on my mind all week long and I just wish I could somehow turn back time and give everyone a do-over. I feel so sorry for his family who loved him so much, and for his daughter who will never really know him outside of his film and television work, family photographs and their own memories. I don't believe we had seen his best work as an actor, and despite the personal demons he was reportedly wrestling with, I do believe this was little more than a tragic accident.

But this whole thing has also been making me think about my own life; about opportunities missed and risks not taken. From everything that I've read about him in the last few days, it was obvious that Heath never ceased to go after what he wanted out of life and I truly admire that in a person. I have always erred on the side of caution out of fear of being hurt or being told that I'm not good enough. Now I wish I had been more adventurous in my teens and twenties and pursued the things I really wanted to do rather than allowing other peoples' opinions and my own timidity to influence my decisions. I don't hate my life, but I'm not entirely satisfied with it either because I know I could have done so much more and I didn't because I was stupidly scared of the unknown. I can still change things around, I know it's not too late, but I can't help but wonder where I would be today if I'd let myself take the risks and had been brave enough to face the possibility of rejection. Because who knows? They might have also said yes, we want you!